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Friday, February 8th, 2002
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in case you havent noticed..ive pretty much abandoned this journal. i dont know if im gonna end up deleting it or not..bleh. i update ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) catat0nic every day..and ashley and me have a community: ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) serjness. so yeah.
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"I cry... 5 angels ... deserve to die."
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Saturday, January 19th, 2002
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today was a lovely night. got dumped by kris. cried a bit but i think im okay for now. iiiiim talking to this dude i just met and this dude i havent talked to in at least a year. go me.
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"I cry... 4 angels ... deserve to die."
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Friday, January 18th, 2002
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| Time: | 9:38 pm. |
| Mood: |  mellow. | | Music: | system of a down...chop suey. wooo wooo.. |
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okay so i havent posted much in this one today. i posted in my other one, though. so yeah...read that. *kills those who havent added me yet* i also made my site all differentish. check it out.
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"I cry... deserve to die."
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Thursday, January 17th, 2002
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| Time: | 5:59 pm. |
| Mood: | calm. | | Music: | ill nino - no murder. |
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dammit...like 17 million of you guys havent added my other journal. BLEH! oh well...finals start next week, which means no school monday, review day tuesday, 2 hours of school on wednesday, half a day on thurday, and no school friday. then the following monday i have a half a day...and then im out of that school for good. sounds wonderful.
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"I cry... 4 angels ... deserve to die."
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Wednesday, January 16th, 2002
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new journal, everyone.
-------------> catat0nic
i added everyone...so add me..or dont. its up to you but a lot of my entries might be friends only.
..and yes, im still using this one.
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"I cry... deserve to die."
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Tuesday, January 15th, 2002
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Sunday, January 13th, 2002
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to everyone that was listening to me rant and complain friday night (and any night, for that matter), (ashley, jason, davidyieie and kris...and of course amy for ALWAYS being there..) thanks a lot. i was having a reaaaally hard time and still kinda am,but ive gotta get over it all. if youre reading this and dont know what im talking about, i guess i can explain. or, kinda give you the general idea of what was going on. my dad had my brother call and say that they werent gonna be there that night to take me to the movies. i got upset cause i had a reaaally horrible day and stuff..and i had wanted to go for a long long time, we had it planned or whatever. so he had joey call and tell me and i got pissed cause my dad claimed he didnt feel well and wouldnt talk to me and stuff but i knew it was cause he didnt want to hear me yell at him or something. NOW..that isnt the only thing that got me mad, im not that piss-offable...it was just sort of...the "last straw", in a sense. lots of things have REALLY been building up latley, and now that im going back home to live, im getting all depressed. part of me wants to go back there, but its going to be so hard to go back into that enviroment, with screaming fights every night with my dad and stuff. he jsut never listens to me and i think thats where the problem starts. every time i wanna talk he says that im stupid or im acting dumb or something. it gets to me...but whatever. another thing is that in that household..my dads always yelling and stuff at me and joey and we're yelling back...and since joey only has 2 pumps in his heart instead of 4 like a normal person, his body and heart are working super fast and its definitley shortening his life span. its extremely sad, to see him...he hasnt gained weight in years and of course hes getting taller..so he keeps getting thinner and thinner..and hes constantly coughing and getting really sick..hes pretty sickly and nobody else seems to notice it besides my grandmother and i. my dad wont realize that we need to LOWER THE STRESS LEVEL IN THE HOUSE. my brother's heart getting worse, my fucked up jaw and headaches, and my dads migraines are ALL products of stress and all that stuff. so whatever. im gonna try but i dont know if anyone else is. more stuff is just...bleh, im not even content with my life right now, its just unsatisfactory. routine is so depressing and things are eating away at me from the inside and it hurts really badly. also i think im turning into one of those needy clingy depressed complainers which is exactly what james was and thats why i dumped him..and i can so see that all coming back up to hit me in the face with my whole kris situation. i dont want it to happen but i guess i would deserve it.
putting all that aside...
we ended up seeing orange county anyways..it was great. colin hanks is pretty cute and jack black is of course...a god. we rented glass house. it was pretty good. i liked it. mehh. im gonna watch jeepers creepers today. ooh. scary.
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"I cry... 2 angels ... deserve to die."
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Friday, January 11th, 2002
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howdyyy....guess what???? im going home for next semester. that means, in about two weeks i'll be at SHS. i doubt anyone will really care, except amy and maybe a couple other people. the good part is gonna be being able to see michelle and aimee and others and laughing my ass off because theyre retards. mmmmmkay well im gonna gooooo...so buhbye.
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"I cry... 3 angels ... deserve to die."
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Tuesday, January 8th, 2002
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okay hivalisious..im glad you werent "bitching at me"...but still you were telling people that it was your idea or something, and that you were the first one...etc. i wasnt even the first one with that idea for a journal....ive seen the right-aligned thing everywhere. but in this particular case, i was the one with the original question , not you. and you cant go and freak out because you think people are "copying". i helped 3 or 4 people do their journals similar to this..including amy and this other dude. so yeah...youre acting immaturley. if it bothers you so much, change your journal.
aside from all that...today was an okay day i suppose. just...boring. decent. nothing special. yesterday i found out that amy didnt know half of the story and...that james was being a prick the entire time (as usual)...so yeah, amy and i are okay now. james is still a dicktard though. like always. boys suck and friends dont. kris doesnt suck though. and a few others. but whatever. im talking to this anthony kid that went to my school last year, but i never talked to him at all. hes going out with ashley, but we still never talked. somehow he has my screen name now and we're talking about how much being 'loners' at school sucks. (we're both in new schools). and im talking to my little brother. its hard to understand what hes saying because he cant spell very well. im gonna go now. I CANT WAIT UNTIL FRRIIIIDAAAYYYYY!! orange county comes out and my dads gonna take meh to see it. jack black rocks all.
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"I cry... 8 angels ... deserve to die."
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<--is acting like the right aligned journal with a background image and picture on the side, and a colored scrollbar and crosshair cursor is her big idea. shes bitching about people "copying" it in her journal now. if you guys will remember back to when i posted, asking if anyone could help me do that exact thing with my journal...she said she could help and submitted that question to the faq or whatever and posted the link with the codes. now shes getting pissed because "everyone" is doing it. frankly, i dont care, and thats why i changed my journal to the system picture the resize cursor but whatever. look at this:
"i give out the code how to do this to
corrupted child.
then all of a sudden....
invincibletrend is giving it out,robyn has my scroll bar and
crusor,shes giving it out to.....5 PEOPLE!,this other girl
[i forgot the name] and people didnt realise that
I WAS ASKING THE FUCKING QUESTION ON HOW TO MAKE THE JOURNAL
LIKE THIS!!!!!!"
....WHAT THE FUCK??!?!?!?! IT WAS MY FUCKING QUESTION!! because i originally wanted to use my invader zim background and have a crosshair cursor and lime green scrollbar or whatever, and i asked that question in my journal. now im just pissed because of peoples ignorance.
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"I cry... 1 angel ... deserve to die."
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Monday, January 7th, 2002
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im not mad because she likes him, im mad because she either lied to me, or shes as bad as he is.
when i broke up with him she was all taking my side and agreeing with the fact that he is clingy and will like anyone that is the least bit attracted to him. because it is very true. i thought she saw this..if not, then shes a pretty good fucking liar. she shouldve just told me if she didnt think he was all of those things. and if she DID actually agree with me..then now, shes as bad and desperate as he is..and will go with anyone. which i think is the case, because shes always complaining about not "having anyone". she knows he would jump at the chance to be with her or whatever so..that might have a lot to do with her liking him. if thats whats going on here..then all i can do is say that shes fucking stupid for lying to herself like that.
she saw what went on with he and i...and shes giving me this bullshit, she supposedly "has a feeling" that "this will be different". whatever, yeah fucking right. i really dont care.
and he knows i dont give a shit about him, yet he persists.
yeah amy and james....im not mad...i just think the two of you are completley fucking stupid.
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"I cry... 1 angel ... deserve to die."
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Sunday, January 6th, 2002
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| Time: | 3:31 pm. |
| Mood: |  bouncy. |
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i went to borders and got a hatebreed cd and the new AP magazine with system on the cover. i read the article and i love them even more now.
..i hate online tests..but my love for spongebob overcomes the hate for the tests..soo..
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"I cry... 7 angels ... deserve to die."
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Saturday, January 5th, 2002
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bleh....sorry for being such a slacker in this whole journal thing. i used to write lots. now i ...dont. oh well. we might get snow tomorrow..thats good, because that would mean no school on monday. w00. i was supposed to talk to kris today but he wasnt home. oh well. heh--im not supposed to be making ANY long distance calls anymore, so yesterday i had to ask to use amys phone card to call kris..and i was gonna use james' to call my brother and dad, but i ended up not doing that. i need to get my owwwnnnn phone cardsssss. grr. i just watched momento...which is one of the most amazing movies ever..but im gonna have to watch it several more times to completly understand it. its a confusing as hell movie..and i was all proud of myself because i was understanding the whole thing and putting stuff together and predicting and all that good stuff...until the end, where everything i had built up was thrown out the window. i didnt get it at all. the last scene or two really threw me off. GOD DAMN i love movies. im gonna go now, talk to ashley and dustin and amy.
.
..wheres kris?
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"I cry... 5 angels ... deserve to die."
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Wednesday, January 2nd, 2002
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talked to kris for the first time in forever (on the phone) last night. *sigh* yeah. and im all likin him again. or should i say still? hes one of the only people i get along with like that. hes the greatest.
...dustin called me today. god, he rocks. hes so not stupid and nice and funny as freaken heck. i wish he lived here so we could hang out all the timeee. meh.
im so stupid. school sucks, and im a complete and total bitch to john whenever possible and i dont know why. hes one of the few people that talk to me in school..and i was all mean and wouldnt go get orange juice with him. *hits self*
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"I cry... 6 angels ... deserve to die."
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Monday, December 31st, 2001
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hm. yeah.
anyways. james is being all retarded. he put that stupid shitty ass everything ends song by slipknot in his journal. directed towards me. you know, i dont really give a fuck. and then he emailed amy and told her to tell me how much he loves me.
oh. fucking. please. how godddamn stupid. i dont care anymore. on to other matters. ignore this next part unless its for you.
i know you arent one to put yourself in the middle of situations for other people. but i am. i dont really look at it as a flaw, by sticking up for a friend..and you apparently do, but whatever. all our fights are extremely fucking stupid after looking back on them about thirty minutes later. im done.
hmm. i want kris to get on. hes the only one im really getting along with lately. jenna, him, and amy.
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"I cry... 1 angel ... deserve to die."
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| Subject: | :/ |
| Time: | 12:30 pm. |
| Mood: |  contemplative. | | Music: | sevendust][xmas day. |
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Anarchy Slave 0: have a nice new year
Anarchy Slave 0: i guess u arent there
SERJisfrikencool: dont get all pitiful now, james
Anarchy Slave 0: dude you really startin to puiss me off with this pitiful shit..
Anarchy Slave 0: no bnody is actin pitiful..
SERJisfrikencool: you always do it.
Anarchy Slave 0: shit happens life fucking goes on..
Anarchy Slave 0: dude only thing i said was have a nice new year
Anarchy Slave 0: im in a good fucking mood tonight im gonna get drunk off my ass and bring in the new year with my friends..
SERJisfrikencool: you know what im talking about. the second someone says dsomething that gets you down, you are all like ":::SIIIGHHHHH::: HEEHHHHHHHH....oh well yeah have a nice new year,....blah....woe is me...i was left behind ooo"
SERJisfrikencool: and im not the only one that notices it. amy does too. its just so stupid. its like you want people to feel bad for you. its sad,
Anarchy Slave 0: no one feels fucking sorry for me i dont give a shit if anyone feels shit for me
SERJisfrikencool: mhm
Anarchy Slave 0: ive been alone my whole life and i do better on my own just becasue i gave a shit about u doesnt make me fucking p-itiful
SERJisfrikencool: alright james, whatever.
Anarchy Slave 0: i gave a shit wow that makes me a bad person im soo pitiful blah blah blah well u know what fuck that shit..shit happens
SERJisfrikencool: i wasnt saying that.
Anarchy Slave 0: well obvious ly you are
Anarchy Slave 0: cause thats all i did
Anarchy Slave 0: i gfave a shit
Anarchy Slave 0: but i guess that puts me in the wrong too
SERJisfrikencool: im saying, whenever you hear something you dont like..from me particularly...you get all defensive, and start saying "heh" and sighing and quoting slipknot and acting all sorry for yourself
Anarchy Slave 0: dude u quote system all the time i can quote slipknot?
Anarchy Slave 0: i can say heh all i freakin want thats me thats what i say i say it all the time
SERJisfrikencool: i dont quote system of a down while feeling sorry for myself.
Anarchy Slave 0: look im not feeling sorry for myself
Anarchy Slave 0: SHIT HAPPENS!
SERJisfrikencool: youre always like "oh what the fuck heh ::SSSIIGGGHHHHHH::: i was left behind we all got left behind........................................"
Anarchy Slave 0: well maybe i like the fucking song alot
Anarchy Slave 0: you never fucking lived my life
Anarchy Slave 0: u havent seen the shit ive seen through my eyes
SERJisfrikencool: no but ive lived my own.
Anarchy Slave 0: u havernt seen your friends shot down dyhing in front of you and you cant fucking do anything
Anarchy Slave 0: ive seen shit that youve only seen in your fucking niughtmares
Anarchy Slave 0: you didnt have to live in fear of your father you whole fucking life
Anarchy Slave 0: he didnt beat you snensless with his brooms poles and other fucking object that he could get his hands on
SERJisfrikencool: ive had to take responsibility for an entire family, i was watching three kids at a time by the age of eight. that does a lot to a child.
SERJisfrikencool: my mom left us and i was led to believe that it was my fault.
SERJisfrikencool: my brother is dying.
Anarchy Slave 0: well my mother is dying
SERJisfrikencool: so yeah.
Anarchy Slave 0: i fucking hate this shit
Anarchy Slave 0: i fucking hatew arguing with you
Anarchy Slave 0: i fucking just hate it
SERJisfrikencool: dont tell me that i havent been through my fair share of shit, james. you know what? i dont want anything to do with you anymore. all you do is bring me down. im perfectly fine unless talking with you.
Anarchy Slave 0: that what u want?
Anarchy Slave 0: is that what u want?
SERJisfrikencool: sure is.
Anarchy Slave 0: okay fine..
Anarchy Slave 0: u wnat me outta your life fine
Anarchy Slave 0: im gone..
Anarchy Slave 0 signed off at 12:26:21 PM.
..was i too harsh? i just spoke my mind..
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"I cry... 1 angel ... deserve to die."
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Sunday, December 30th, 2001
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like the journal? i love it. today i bought three new cds and some new headphones..yay. tomorrow is amy's birthday. happy birthday amy. (!!!) i spent the night at her house last night. we went to the mall. chris was there, looking fly as always...*coooouuuggghhhhhh* *gag* *choke* hah...eww. we watched fight club. i will never get sick of that movie. i think i'll watch it tonight. tomorrow amy is coming here. this should be fun. hmm well, im gonna go. buhbye.
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"I cry... 5 angels ... deserve to die."
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Friday, December 28th, 2001
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i need help. i want someone to help me override a bunch of stuff for my lj. i want a crosshair cursor, i want my journal aligned to the right, and i want my scrollbar color changed. i know theres tons of you who can do it..its all just a matter of who wants to help me. PLEEAASEE?
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"I cry... 4 angels ... deserve to die."
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cds: sevendust(animosity), dry kill logic(the darker side of nonsense), staind(break the cycle)[<-meeehhh...its okay],ill nino(revolution/revolucion), and chimaira(pass out of existence).......powerpuff girls blanket, fight club, a new amp, invader zim hat, lenore comic(noogies 1-4), hair dye, pants, shoes, invader zim hat, new cd case, new portable cd player, soad hoodie, slipknot hoodie, linkin park hoodie, i bought amy's bday present, and i have a 25$ gift certificate to borders that i plan on buying serj's book with
....it feels good to get stuff. now im set for the year ahead. aha.
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"I cry... deserve to die."
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tired.
cynical.
apathetic.
blank.
nervous.
bitchy.
crazy.